dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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