So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
