Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
