just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
