The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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