I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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