Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
