oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
