Porn is love you can see.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
