none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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