The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
