Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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