I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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