Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
