why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Damn victory sex feels great
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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