Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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