false alarm. still invincible.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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