They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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