Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
