someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
