how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
