so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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