Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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