capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
