pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
