you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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