just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
