I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
