Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
