Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
