Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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