Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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