he puts the penis in happiness.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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