fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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