I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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