the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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