Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
