don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
