are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
