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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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