you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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