I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My cat gives me a boner
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
