the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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