i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just blew my weed a kiss
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
