Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
