come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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