cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
