Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
