You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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