I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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