at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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