i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
